Marcheline's Wild Kingdom Presents: Kids Without Cell Phones!

While I remained back at the hotel mini bar base camp with my gin and tonic focus carefully trained on the bank of monitors connected to our hidden cameras, my assistant Jim crawled through the underbrush on his belly through a fire ant colony to capture this astounding footage of actual human teenagers with no cell phones.

Unlike the common teenager, these two are using their neck muscles to keep their heads upright, and they regularly make eye contact with each other, and with other human beings in their vicinity.  They do not seem to be suffering any ill effects from not being bent over small screened devices, though whether their thumbs are as agile as those of their cell-phone-addicted peers is unknown.   Surely the agility of their arms, legs, and torsos make up for any thumb deficiency.
 
This is truly a once-in-a-lifetime coup for a wildlife photojournalist.  Jim was able to get close enough to see that the male of the species appears to be wearing pants that cover his ass crack, and the female is wearing clothes which cover her midriff and the lower half of her butt cheeks.  There is nary a side-boob in sight - amazing!

Despite the fact that these nearly-extinct creatures are not surgically or emotionally attached to expensive technological gadgetry and they lack the genetic makeup that produces the desperate need to expose their body parts to complete strangers, they seem incredibly happy.